


A Part of Myself For You

by missjo



Series: Que Désirez-vous? [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Food Trucks, Gender Neutral Character, John Laurens is too gay for this shit, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 12:15:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10571115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missjo/pseuds/missjo
Summary: Lafayette is the most beautiful food truck owner in the nation's capital and even his continuous pining after his best friend cannot keep John Laurens from falling in love with him. The Gay Trio falling in love food truck AU no one asked for!





	

**Author's Note:**

> A special thank you to [one_golden_sun](http://archiveofourown.org/users/one_golden_sun/profile) for pushing me to actually write this and complete it. This fic wouldn't exist if it wasn't for you! <3
> 
> Also a shout-out to [StringTheori](http://archiveofourown.org/users/StringTheori/pseuds/StringTheori) who lives with me and had to deal with me ranting about this stupid thing for weeks.
> 
> Finally, there actually is a DC-area food truck called [The Frenchman](https://twitter.com/TheFrenchmanFT) that serves delicious French-Virginian fusion food that sometimes parks outside of my old work office. They definitely planted the seed that grew this fic so if you live in the area you should check them out! Sadly, Lafayette does not actually work there.

John Laurens had never realized that getting lunch from a food truck could be a spiritual experience but when he took his container holding a French-American fusion sandwich from the ethereal being inside said food truck he decided to reconsider. The man in the pale blue apron’s smile lit up his entire face as he bid John a good afternoon in the most beautiful accent John had ever heard. He mumbled something in return, clutched his container in both hands, and then hurried back to the office he was interning with for the summer.

He took the stairs two at a time up to the third floor and rushed down the hall to the dingy, cramped office he currently shared with the entirety of the summer intern staff. One of whom just happened to be his best friend.

“Alexander!”

His friend was still sitting at the far corner desk, completely absorbed in the paper in front of him and finishing his third large cup of coffee. Of course Alexander Hamilton had completely neglected to take his lunch. His lips were silently forming the words on the page, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, as John crossed the room.

“Alexander Hamilton!”

When his second attempt received no response John snatched the page out of his hands. Alexander glared up at him. It would have been far more intimidating if not for the deep bruise-like bags under his eyes. John plopped down in front of him nonchalantly and popped one of the french fries from the food truck into his mouth.

“What do you want, John, I was working on that,” Alexander finally responded in the flat tone he used when he was almost too exhausted to function.

John raised his eyebrows and popped another fry into his mouth. “Did you even realize it was lunch time?” he drawled and motioned to the empty office around them.

Alexander blinked slowly and looked around them. “Um.” He looked at his mostly empty coffee mug. “Huh.”

John rolled his eyes and absently chewed on another fry. He had never known fries could taste this good. “You’re a mess, y’know that? Get up. We’re gettin’ you food and you can thank me later.”

Alexander blinked at him again. “Why didn’t you just grab some for me? I’ve got so much work to do.”

John got up and forcefully pulled Alexander out of his chair. “Nope. It’s a nice day and you’re takin’ a break. Trust me, you _want_ to see this… food truck. C’mon.”

He offered a hand to the still befuddled Alexander and ignored the way his heart skipped when he took it, his grip soft and warm. Beautiful people in food trucks were far more important than his continuing pathetic crush on his best friend. He focused on the mission and dragged Alexander down the stairs and out into the warm sunshine. His friend stumbled behind him, no doubt startled by all of the natural light.

“What is so damn fantastic about a food truck?” Alexander grumbled under his breath, apparently unaware or not caring that John could hear him. “There are five on every block of this damn city.”

John rolled his eyes and shoved them both into the short queue. “Just _look_ and you’ll _see_ ,” he told him through gritted teeth. He took Alexander’s stupid face in his hands and forcefully made him look up at the food truck. He could feel his breath catch and smirked, thoroughly pleased with himself. “You’re. Welcome.”

Alexander stared blankly ahead of them for a few seconds before letting out a shaky breath. John quickly removed his hands from his friend’s face, his chest suddenly hot. He let out a breathy chuckle when Alexander licked his lips.

“What the _fuck_ , Laurens, warn a man,” he whispered as the seemingly unaffected person in front of them went up to place their order.

John shrugged. “That’d take all the fun out of it.” He dodged Alexander’s elbow with a laugh.

“Good afternoon, monsieur!” the man in the blue apron exclaimed, one of his blinding smiles already present on his perfect face. “I see John has brought a friend.”

Hearing the man say his own name made his stomach feel funny. “The food’s good,” he mumbled and hoped his face didn’t look as hot as it felt.

“Merci. What can I get for you, John’s friend?”

John watched in wonder as Alexander’s previously shocked expression smoothed into one of flirtatious determination. He sauntered up to the order window and leaned against the small counter.

“Alexander Hamilton,” he replied in his silkiest voice. John instantly regretted bringing him out here; Alexander had always been the better flirt.

The man leaned slightly into Alexander’s space to accept his outstretched hand. “Everyone calls me Lafayette. What can I get you, Monsieur Hamilton?”

“Alexander, please.” Alexander’s grin was sharp. “What do you suggest?”

“Well, everything is delicious, _of course_ ,” Lafayette said with a soft giggle. The sound of it made John’s palms start to sweat. “But I recommend the sandwich with the ham. We cut the meat thick. Plenty of flavor.”

John’s mouth went dry.

Alexander’s grin turned positively predatory. “I’ll take the ham, then, Monsieur Lafayette.”

“Would you like a side of pomme frites?”

“After the way John was moaning over them it would be stupid to say no,” Alexander replied.

When Lafayette glanced over at him in amusement John wanted to melt into the sidewalk never to be seen again. He could tell his ears were red.

“That will be eleven dollars, monsieur.”

Alexander somehow made pulling crumpled dollar bills out of his pocket, because he wasn’t adult enough to carry a wallet like a real person, look suave. Lafayette turned to his cook to relay the order and gave him back his change. John watched in shock as Alexander dropped all of his change into the small cup that had “tips, s'il vous plaît” and an adorable smiley face scrawled on it. Then he joined John to wait for his order.

“I’m surprised you didn’t get his number,” John said dryly as Alexander stood just a step too close for John to be able to breathe properly.

Alexander shrugged. “These things take time.”

John swallowed. He was definitely going to regret this. “Well, you’re the expert.”

His friend barked out a laugh and clapped him on the shoulder. “Cheer up, John Laurens, I’m sure you’ll get laid again some day.”

“I get laid _plenty_.”

Alexander rolled his eyes and rocked forward on his feet. “You haven’t so much as seen a dick since Francis and we both know it.” John opened his mouth to argue but he lifted a hand to stop him. “That figure drawing class you take doesn’t count, John.”

John huffed. Alexander went to pick up his food with a flirtatious smile. John wasn’t sure who he was more jealous of when Lafayette returned it.

“I hope to see both of you again soon. John. Alexander.” John’s legs went weak when that smile was directed at him. He managed an awkward wave and pulled his friend away.

They walked back to the office with Alexander chattering away about how he may never miss another lunch break ever again and John had the distinct feeling that he was indeed going to regret everything.

 

***

 

At the end of a long day only made longer by Alexander refusing to stop bringing up Lafayette because he loved to watch John blush, John made his way home on the Metro and dragged himself up to his apartment. The sounds of baseball greeted him when he opened the front door. He toed off his shoes and slumped into the living room where Peggy sat with a beer in one hand and a bowl of chips in their lap.

John curled up on the couch with his feet tucked under him and shoved his face into their shoulder with a keening whine. They set down their beer to mute the tv and massaged the back of his neck with their other hand.

“Was Alexander unbearably flirtatious today?” they asked and sighed a heavy, put upon sigh. “You know he’d say yes if you asked for sloppy, pent-up makeouts.”

“Shut up, he would not,” John huffed and shoved a chip in his mouth. “And no, he wasn’t -- well, yes he was, but not with _me_.”

Peggy scritched at the baby hairs at the nape of his neck and shoved the bowl into his lap. “My poor John. Is there even anyone left in that office for him to flirt _with_? I got the impression he exhausted his options there weeks ago.”

“Not in the office,” John replied around a handful of chips. He ignored their grunt of protest when he helped himself to a gulp of beer to wash them down. “There was this new food truck on our block that I decided to check out. I swear, Peggy, the most beautiful creature I have ever _seen_ was takin’ orders so, of course, I _had_ to show Alex. Y’know, thinkin’ he’d be just as flabbergasted as me but _no_ , he just--”

“Got his number and they’ll probably be fucking by this weekend?” Peggy finished dryly and took their beer back.

John sighed. “No. He did get his name, though, which is more than I managed,” he grumbled and shoved more chips into his mouth.

Peggy stared at him. “Wait. Were you jealous _of_ Alexander? Just how beautiful was this man?”

“No. Yes? I don’t know,” John groaned and tilted his head back against the back of the couch. “He was _so_ beautiful, Pegs, I didn’t know people were made that beautiful.”

Peggy mussed up his ponytail with a smirk. “Quit your gay moping, Laurens. Go take a shower and then we can order cheap takeout and watch old Star Trek episodes.”

John glanced over at the tv, suddenly remembering they’d had the game on. “Are you sure you don’t want to finish the game? How are the Nats doin’, anyway?”

“They’re losing, of course, so it’s no huge sacrifice,” Peggy replied with a snort and took the bowl of chips back. “Shower. Now. I’ll order us some Chinese.”

When he didn’t move right away, Peggy shoved at his shoulder. Finally he acquiesced, gave his most dramatic sigh, and made his way to the bathroom.

Once he was under the warm spray John tilted his head back with a sigh. He let his mind wander to the way the sun had cast a glow on Lafayette’s beautiful brown skin and highlighted the honey tones in his eyes. He thought about the similar tones in Alexander’s eyes as he rinsed the shampoo from his hair. They had looked nice together, leaning in close.

Lafayette was much taller than Alexander, had to lean down to enter his space, and his long, delicate hand had dwarfed his. John swallowed hard at the thought and tried to focus on working the conditioner into his curls.

He wondered if Alexander would let the bigger man invade his space, tuck into him while they kissed, let Lafayette run his long fingers along the soft curve of his spine. John’s breath hitched. He felt himself stirring between his legs as he imagined the hungry, determined look on Alexander’s face when he’d seen Lafayette; imagined that look while Alexander slipped his hand under that blue apron and into Lafayette’s jeans.

John took himself in hand and bit down on his bottom lip to stifle the moan that escaped him. He pulled himself off with quick, hard strokes while he imagined Alexander stroking Lafayette off with long, determined movements of his wrist. Lafayette’s long body would be taught with pleasure, his head tilted back to expose the lean curve of his throat. His musical voice would sound beautiful wrecked around Alexander’s name. Alex would kiss him through his orgasm, wanting to taste his sounds on his tongue.

John came with a harsh sob. He had to hold himself up against the tiled wall after. He watched his come rinse down the drain while he caught his breath, his cheeks hot with shame.

Once his breathing had returned to normal he quickly soaped himself up and rinsed off. He rubbed himself down with a towel as quickly as possible and got into the most comfortable pajamas he owned. Then he joined Peggy on the couch where Kung Pao chicken was waiting for him.

They bickered over whether to turn on Next Generation or Voyager. John’s pathetic pouting finally won out and he spent the rest of his evening tucked into Peggy’s side. Captain Picard’s voice gently drowned out any thoughts about Alexander, Lafayette, or the weird fantasy he’d had in the shower. He eventually fell asleep to the emergency sirens of the Enterprise, his stomach full and his eyes heavy.

 

***

 

John managed to hold off on visiting the food truck again for two whole days. His stomach betrayed him on the third day with an intense craving for french fries. He waited for Alexander to hurry off to his third caffeine induced bathroom break of the morning before slipping out. The shame and guilt he felt at leaving his best friend behind was easy to ignore once he was face-to-face with the human embodiment of sunshine that was Lafayette.

“Bonjour, John!” he greeted with a wave as John approached. Lafayette remembering his name made John blush. He had to clear his throat before he could trust his voice enough to respond.

“Hi, Lafayette,” he replied with a shy smile of his own. “Sure is sticky out today.”

Lafayette shrugged, his smile never wavering. “Such is another day in the US capital. I do not mind the heat.”

A few curly strands had rebelled against Lafayette’s carefully constructed bun and were resting against his forehead delicately. Other than that there was no sign that the heat had even touched him; there wasn’t even any sweat on his brow. John had to shove his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out to brush the soft looking strands aside.

“I’m from South Carolina, myself, so the heat doesn’t bother me much,” John replied. He shifted from foot to foot and leaned forward to look into the truck. “Doesn’t it get awful hot in there?”

“Non! We have a fan back here; that helps. What can I get you?”

“Good. That’s good.” John cursed his awkwardness and pretended to look at the board that listed their menu in large, cheerful handwriting. Probably Lafayette’s. “Can I get the ham sandwich, please? And the most generous side of fries you can get away with.”

Lafayette smirked. “I own the truck, so I can get away with anything, mon ami. Eleven dollars.”

John handed over his card with sweaty fingers. “You own this? That’s amazing!”

Lafayette’s smile softened, eyes crinkling pleasantly. “Yes, well, grand-mère does not think it the wisest use of my inheritance but I am a grown man so here we are.” He handed John’s card back with a flourish.

“John!” Alexander’s voice rang from behind him, effectively blocking any thoughts John might have after hearing the word “inheritance”. He froze, face instantly heating up. “So _funny_ meeting you here. Couldn’t wait for your best friend before getting lunch?”

“I had a project I needed to get back to,” John explained in a rush. His fingers fumbled as he tried to stuff his card back in his wallet.

Lafayette looked at both of them, obviously amused. “Well if it isn’t John’s petit ami! What can I get you on this warm afternoon, Alexander?”

John snorted at Lafayette calling Alexander small and got an elbow to the ribs for his trouble.

“Fuck you’re pointy,” he grumbled and let himself be maneuvered out of the way.

Watching Alexander lean over the counter with his grin in place only brought back memories of John’s fantasy in the shower. He swallowed, his stomach going tight, and reminded himself to breathe. Lafayette’s musical laugh surrounded him as he reacted at something clever Alexander had said and for a brief moment John was convinced he was going to expire right there on the sidewalk.

“John? Earth to John!” Alexander’s voice slowly came into focus and then his friend was shoving his shoulder, hard. It snapped him out of the odd moment.

“Huh?”

Alexander offered him a container. “Your food, man, I thought it was my job to zone out all weird like that.”

John coughed awkwardly and took the food. “Sorry. Project. I gotta-- go--” he managed to get out and then took off. He almost tripped over his own feet in his haste to turn back to the two men, who were already engrossed in their own conversation. “Thanks, Lafayette!”

He hurried back to the safety of the office as quick as his legs would take him.

 

***

 

It was Friday and John had never been so happy the weekend was here. Alexander had swanned in that morning in his best suit, looking clean and significantly more rested than he had in a long time. John could hardly look at him without squirming. Regular, worn down Alexander was more than enough to keep John’s attention but cleaned up Alexander was truly a practice in self control.

Instead of talking to his best friend he had spent his morning buried in his emails. Alexander had pouted at first but eventually acquiesced and sat at his own desk, grumbling into his cup of coffee.

Working that way made time more of an abstract concept than a reality. John didn’t even realize it was lunchtime until his stomach growled loudly in protest. He was just contemplating the half sub he had shoved in the fridge that morning when Alexander planted himself on the corner of his desk.

 “ _We_ are going out tonight, John, and I don’t want to hear your wet blanket excuses.”

“What? I am _not_ a wet blanket,” John replied with a growl and crossed his arms over his chest. “I haven’t even said no, yet. What the hell, Hamilton?”

Alexander pointed a fry at him. “You’ve been a wet blanket all day and were going to say no, but I took care of that for you because I am the best friend _ever_.”

John sighed. He had been looking forward to two whole days of no Alexander and no Lafayette. He needed a break. Judging from the determined look on his friend’s face he wasn’t going to get it.

“ _Why_ are we goin’ out?” he drawled.

Alexander slammed a receipt onto the clear spot of desk between them triumphantly and gave him his shark-like grin. “Because _I_ got Lafayette’s number and _he_ wants to join us. Most enthusiastically, in fact,” he leered. “You’re. Welcome.”

John’s heart sank into his stomach as he looked at the numbers scrawled in Lafayette’s loopy handwriting. This was the exact opposite of how his Friday night was supposed to go. He had been planning to catch up on the latest season of Lucifer with Peggy and get high, or maybe even just hole himself up in his room. He definitely had _not_ planned on watching Lafayette and Alexander make eyes at each other all evening.

“I thought you would be happier about this,” Alexander said with a frown. “You’ll get to look at him _all night_. Maybe even dance with him if you can manage not to trip over your own feet for five minutes.”

John slumped in his chair. “No. He’s going to be dancin’ with _you_.”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “Only if you act like that, wet blanket. C’mon, it’ll be fun. Herc and Angelica already agreed to come. You can invite Peggy along too if Angelica hasn’t already.”

“Fine.” At least there would be booze and possibly dancing. “Where are we going?”

Alexander grinned around the fry he was chewing on. John fought back the urge to snap at him about keeping his food in his mouth like an adult and kissing him silly. John’s life was a mess.

“Ya know that new dance club in DuPont?” The thought of having to ride the Metro all the way back down the green line made John huff. “Apparently Lafayette knows the owner. We’re getting the free VIP hook up, boy!”

“Since when do _you_ accept ‘free handouts’?” he asked dryly.

Alexander leaned in close. “Since they came from ethereal men who promised me a _dance_ ,” he replied, his breath ghosting over John’s ear. He fought back a shiver. “We’re meeting there at 9:00. Don’t be late!”  
  
He pressed an obnoxious, smacking kiss to John’s forehead and hurried back to his desk. John slumped off to the break room to eat his sub and text Peggy about how horrible his life was and beg them to join him.

 

***

 

One of the many things John loved best about living in the nation’s capital was that smoking weed was legal. Sure, you had to be careful not to get caught on federal property, but it meant he could walk down the street with two of his favorite people and a large joint to share between them. They were running late, mainly because Alexander had texted him at the last minute insisting that he wear _the jeans_ and John had needed to change his entire outfit, but he had still insisted that they walk the twenty five minutes rather than order a Lyft to smoke.

Thankfully, Hercules and Peggy both found him pathetic enough to agree to his wishes. John loved them so much. He loved the hazy stars drifting above the city, he loved the rainbow flags hanging in the windows as they got closer to the circle, and he loved the low stone and brick buildings that made up this city he was making his home. Damn, he was stoned. He chuckled at this revelation and passed the joint to Hercules.

“I don’t know why I thought introducin’ _Alexander_ to the most beautiful man on the planet would make my life any better,” John said around his exhale, his head still tilted up to look at the stars.

“You gotta tell him, man, ya can’t keep that kinda shit bottled up,” Hercules replied as he breathed the smoke out. “Shit’s toxic.”

John huffed. “You gotta quit that yoga meditation crap, Herc, it’s goin’ to your head.”

“ _And_ we all know he’d say yes if you asked him,” Hercules continued, ignoring him.

“Thank you!” Peggy exclaimed, passing the joint back to John. “See? Haven’t I told you a dozen times that he would _so_ say yes?”

John rolled his eyes and took one long, final drag. “Alexander would say yes to _anybody_ , that’s not the point. I don’t want-- I don’t just wanna suck his dick, y’all.”

He carefully disposed of the cherry and stuck what was left of the joint in his pocket.

“I’m telling you, that boy would white picket fence for you,” Peggy replied firmly as they rounded the corner and the club came into view.

John was about to retort but fell silent when he saw Alex. He was wearing his hair down. It flowed over his shoulders, bare except for the loose fitting tank he had on. John’s palms got sweaty. Years of seeing Alexander in fitted jeans with his hair loose had not made John immune. Hercules chuckled and nudged him to continue walking. He hadn’t even realized he’d stopped.

As they got closer John realized that the tall, lithe figure talking with Alexander was Lafayette. He hardly recognized him at first without the professional hair bun, t-shirt, and apron ensemble. His curls were cascading down from a knot at the top of his head and there were flecks of gold on his cheekbones and eyelids, making him look otherworldly. The shorts he was wearing could hardly be called such, leaving miles of long, toned legs for John to drink in. His top wasn’t much more than a shimmery, beaded thing that tied up in a halter around his neck, leaving most of his back and abdomen exposed.

John honestly wasn’t sure how Alexander was still standing, let alone talking, when John could barely breathe.

“So _that_ must be food truck boy,” Peggy said with an impressed whistle. “Well I think it’s safe to say he plays for our team.”  
  
John nodded dumbly.

“We mustn’t keep them waiting,” Hercules said with an amused grin and one of his unusually large arms wrapped around John’s shoulders. “Shall we?”

He was manhandled to the entrance of the club.

“John! Bonsoir!” Lafayette exclaimed and hurried over to kiss him on each cheek. John felt lightheaded and deeply in need of a drink.

Alexander pulled John into a side hug. “Are you late because you wanted to smoke up, Laurens?” he asked with a mocking sniff. “Not very gentlemanly not to invite us.”

“Lafayette. Hi.” He finally managed to unstick the words from his mouth. He heard Alexander’s snicker and resolutely ignored it. “You look…”

Lafayette laughed and did a slow spin. “Different, oui? I could hardly wear this serving up sandwiches.”

John cleared his throat. “You look nice.”

The smile Lafayette gave him in return was so sincerely grateful it made John’s head spin. “Thank you, John. And these are your friends?”

John flushed and turned to look at Hercules and Peggy, who were still standing behind him looking very amused. “Yes. Sorry. This is Hercules, a friend I met at the art school I take classes at. And this is Peggy, they’re my roommate.”

Lafayette beamed at them and stepped forward to kiss their cheeks in a more restrained fashion. “It is nice to meet you both. I did not know you were an artist, John. Do you draw? Paint? Sculpt?”

“Oh, um, mostly sketching but I paint when I have the time. I’m not really an _artist_. It’s just a hobby,” he replied and bit his lip.

“Don’t let this man fool you, he’s quite good. His gestures are very moving,” Hercules interjected and nudged him. “I keep telling him to have more confidence but he ignores me.”

“Can we get a drink now?” John asked, his skin feeling tight from all the attention.

“ _Yes_! Thank you, John,” Alexander crowed and stuck his phone in his back pocket. “Angelica said she’d be a little late so we should start without her.”

Lafayette nodded. “Of course! Follow me!”

He led them to the door, where he stopped to speak to the bouncer about Angelica, and then gracefully sauntered into the loud, dimly lit club. He moved through the crowd like he belonged there and continued up the stairs to a lavish room complete with its own bar and small dance floor. Lafayette gave his name to the bartender and they were told to make themselves at home.

 

***

 

John was keeping track of time passing based on the number of drinks he’d had. Peggy and Hercules had done a tequila shot with him in solidarity and then a couple of beers had passed before Angelica arrived. She had insisted they all do a shot of whiskey with her and John had complied. Now he was sitting between Hercules and Peggy and nursing a beer while they argued over which Doctor was the best. They kept trying to pull him into the conversation but he was too entranced by watching Lafayette move around the room to pay them enough attention.

He was currently leaning languidly on the bar and talking to the woman on the other side of it animatedly. John finally pulled his attention away. His eyes swept the room and landed on Alexander, who was dancing close with Angelica. He had his hand resting lightly against the small of her back, their hips rolling together and then away in perfect harmony. She was murmuring something into his ear that was making him grin.

John took a long pull from his bottle and looked down at his shoes. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was here. He was about to float away on a musical pity ride when a pair of long, dark legs came into his line of sight. Peggy giggled beside him as he slowly looked up to see the vision of Lafayette standing in front of him.

He was sweaty from the heat of the room but it only made his skin seem to glow under the lights. John blinked, convinced for a moment that this had to be a drug or alcohol induced hallucination, but then Lafayette was leaning forward into his space. His strong shoulders and collarbones came into focus as he moved to speak directly into his ear. Some of the glitter from his face had flicked off onto them.

“Do you not dance, mon ami?” Lafayette asked, his voice pitched low. His scent flooded John’s senses, spicy and intoxicating.

“Um. Yes?” he stuttered, his throat thick.

Lafayette pulled back with a wide smile. “Magnifique!” He offered John one of his long, graceful hands. “This is my song, after all.”

John took it and let himself be lifted from his seat to wolf whistles from Peggy and Hercules. Lafayette pulled them to the center of the dance floor. He let go of John’s hand in favor of resting those long fingers of his against his neck as he swayed in close. John closed his eyes and breathed in deep through his nose; exhaled slowly before opening them again. He could do this.

He rested a hand on Lafayette’s waist, revelling in the smooth and slightly damp skin there, and began to move his hips to the beat. The light pressure of Lafayette’s hand on his neck forced them to maintain eye contact as their hips swayed into and away from each other’s. John was certain Lafayette could feel his heart racing beneath his skin but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His body felt like liquid heat, electric, while they moved against each other.

Their bodies moved in closer, and closer, until one of Lafayette’s slender, muscular thighs was pressed between his own. John took a shaky breath and rested his forehead against his shoulder, breathing in the spicy scent of him. His hand slid from Lafayette’s waist to his back to feel the muscles moving there and swallowed. He wondered if Lafayette could tell he was getting hard in his jeans. Lafayette’s neck fluttered as he breathed and John couldn’t help but grin -- yes, he could.

He was about to check if Lafayette was hard as well when a new pair of hands slid from his hips to rest against his stomach. John couldn’t stop the groan that escaped his lips when a warm body pressed up against his back; he was already too overstimulated by the one in front of him.

“Alexander?” John gasped, swaying helplessly back into him when he recognized his scent.

“What a picture the two of you make,” Alexander murmured in his ear, his voice low and rough. John’s body shook in response. They hadn’t been this close since college; John was always so careful not to give himself away.

Lafayette was smirking at Alexander over John’s shoulder. “Alexander, you have decided to join us,” he said just loud enough to be heard over the bass. He reached his free hand out to touch him, trapping John between them.

John floated for a while, moving his hips from the press of Alexander’s to Lafayette’s until everything but their warmth and scent faded away. He just focused on breathing, on the honey brown of Lafayette’s eyes under the club lights, and on the feel of Alexander’s breath on his neck.

Lafayette removed his hand from John’s neck to pull something out of his pocket. He lifted his eyebrows in suggestion as he showed them the tablets in his hand and suddenly everything slammed back into focus. John’s body stuttered to a stop.

“Alexander’s the man for those,” he heard himself saying, chest growing tight. “Excuse me. I need to--”

He motioned weakly in the direction he thought the bathrooms were in and disentangled himself from them. Before he could hear their replies, John was off the dance floor and headed that way.

 

***

 

It was Peggy who found him some time later in one of the stalls taking in deep breaths and willing his erection to subside. They crawled under the closed door and stood in front of him.

“You shouldn’t be in here, y’know,” John said, even though the sight of them filled him with relief.

“It’s a queer club,” they replied with a casual shrug and crouched down in front of him. “Pretty sure I’d win that gender identity fight. Why are you hiding in here?”

John took a deep breath. “Trying to get control of myself, mostly. And I kinda freaked out and that’s always humiliating.” He grimaced.

Peggy arched one of their perfectly crafted eyebrows. “You seemed to be having fun. Why the freak out?”

John blushed. “Well, yanno, I-- I can’t do _that_ with Alexander,” he replied and looked down at his clasped hands. His skin took on a weird shade of yellow in the odd lighting.

Peggy sighed, ever the patient saint. “And why not? You’ve pined after him for _years_. Maybe you’d feel better if you two just fooled around already.”

“I can’t do it… casual,” he said with a huff, knowing he sounded old fashioned and ridiculous. “He’s… _Alexander_.”

“Right. So the idea of a threesome with him and someone who may actually be the _most_ beautiful man on this earth is a no go because your daddy raised you right. I gotcha. Still doesn’t explain the dash to the bathroom like a bullied teenager.” They rested their hands gently on his knees.

He focused on the chipped purple polish on their nails. “Lafayette had some pills,” he explained after a long pause. “I don’t know why it freaked me out. I was already overwhelmed, I guess. I just-- I couldn’t--”  
  
“Okay, okay, boy. Breathe.” Peggy gave him a small smile. “Is your boner gone?”

John swatted at them and huffed. Peggy laughed and stood back up. “C’mon, let’s get you some fresh air. We can finish that joint, okay?”

“Using weed against me,” John grumbled and took their offered hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet.

Peggy laughed again. “Damn right, stoner boy. Let’s go.”

When Peggy led him through the VIP area Lafayette and Alexander were nowhere to be seen. John felt an odd mix of relief and dread in his stomach at the thought. They made their way down the stairs and outside into the sticky night air. John breathed it in and walked down to the corner before pulling the joint out of his pocket.

Peggy stood patiently beside him as he lit up and took a long drag. He kept his eyes on the bright lights of the club while he exhaled, then passed the joint over.

“Would it be rude if I just went home?” he asked and sighed.

Peggy shrugged. “Nah. I’ll go home with you. Tell everyone you weren’t feeling well or whatever. It wouldn’t be a direct lie.”

John frowned and took the joint back from them. “You don’t have to.”  
  
“I know. But someone has to take care of your pathetic butt and, besides, I’d rather fall asleep to a Netflix marathon anyway. I’m cool like that.” Peggy pulled out their phone. “Let’s go. I’ll text everyone.”

John gave her a grateful smile and turned in the direction of home. He even let Peggy take double drags on the joint on the way without comment.

 

***

 

John had woken up early the next afternoon with a massive headache and his half dead phone shoved between the couch cushions. He’d pulled it out to find a dozen worried messages from Alexander that had gotten progressively drunker. Then there had been the message from an unknown number that he had looked at on his phone an embarrassing number of times since.

John was staring at the message again Sunday afternoon in the kitchen while Peggy browned taco meat on the stove. They were humming something so enthusiastically offbeat that it was unrecognizable. John’s phone began to ring, Alexander’s face interrupting the view of the message. John stared at it until it rang over to voicemail.

_Twenty missed calls._

Peggy sighed and stopped stirring. “You’re going to have to talk to him sooner rather than later, yanno, you’re going to be in the same _office_ tomorrow,” they told him and went back to work. “And you’re only making it weirder.”

He sighed and pulled his hair back into a messy ponytail so that he could start chopping all the toppings for the tacos. “What if they slept together? I mean, Lafayette said he took Alex’s phone. At, like, 2:30 in the morning.” He chopped the jalapenos with fervor. “Obviously they slept together.”

“Obviously they went at it like rabbits.” Peggy glanced over at him. “You could just… ask them?”

John shook his head. “No _that_ would be weird because it’s none of my business who Alexander sleeps with and _definitely_ not my place to comment on Lafayette.” He ripped open the bags of shredded iceberg lettuce. “Give me a tortilla; I need to eat my feelings.”

Peggy rolled their eyes but plopped three warm, soft tortillas on his plate. His phone rang again. He didn’t even look at it while he filled his tacos.

“This is your _best friend_ , John, I know you don’t want to talk about your feelings with him because he’s a ‘player’ and you’re a coward when it comes to these things but you’re already ruining everything by _not_ telling him. How can you expect him to act the way you want him to if he doesn’t _know_ , John? You’ve ignored him for two days. Pony up, man.”

John winced and shuffled over to their rickety kitchen table with his heavily loaded tacos. “Touche, Pegs, but right now I just want to eat tacos and not think about boys. How’s your love life going?”

“Not,” they replied with a frown and sat down across from him. “As if it’s _ever_ going.”

“I still think you and Herc would be good,” he told them around a bite of taco and dodged the tomato they threw in response.

“Herc thinks _Eleven_ is the best Doctor, John, I would rather kiss a toad,” they replied gravely.

John laughed. “Y’all are weird.”

Peggy was about to sling a retort his way when a loud knock came at the door. They gave him a pointed look and stood. “You. Stay. I am going to answer the door and then take my tacos to my room. If you don’t want him here, you should’ve picked up your phone like a big boy. And _you_ can be the one to tell him to leave.”

They took their plate of tacos and went to do exactly that. John remained frozen in his chair. He heard the door open and murmured voices from the other room. Then suddenly Alexander was standing in the kitchen with his shoulders taught, hands clenched into fists.

“So you _are_ alive after all, asshole,” Alexander spit out.

John blinked at him. “Obviously. I just had too much to drink the other night. Peggy took me home.”

“ _Bullshit_. That is such bullshit, John. You’ve ignored all of my texts, all of my calls! We were having a good time and then suddenly you turn ghost. What the fuck?”

John shrugged a shoulder and looked down at his remaining taco. “Y’all seemed to get on fine after I left.”

“The fuck? I was worried about you. I was no fun the rest of the night, thinking I had messed up somehow; pissed you off. You can ask _anyone_ .” John could see Alexander vibrating out of the corner of his eye. “And then you ignore me for _two days_. Why?”

John set his jaw and looked up at him. “This,” he replied and gestured to Alexander and the room. “You have _no_ boundaries whatsoever. What, I don’t talk to you for a few days and that gives you the right to just come over here and interrupt my dinner?”

“I was worried--”

“Yeah, yeah, you were worried that I was pissed at you. Why? What do you _think_ you did to piss me off? Tell me, Alexander, I’m very curious,” he spat out, spreading his arms wide in challenge.

Alexander stared at him in a silence that seemed to stretch on forever. John watched as he worked his jaw. “Lafayette,” he finally said, his voice surprisingly quiet. “Oh my god, John, is this because I made moves on Lafayette?”

John rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t care who you fuck, Alexander, and even if I did I would’ve had to get over it a long time ago.”

“You think--” Alexander barked out a cruel laugh. “I didn’t _fuck_ Lafayette. I didn’t fuck him because I was too worried about you. Have you even been listening to me?”

John scoffed. “Uh huh. Well sorry I kept you from getting your dick wet. I know how difficult that must be for you!”

“Well maybe if you got yours wet once in awhile--”

John stood and slammed his palms down on the table, startling Alexander into silence. “Just because I don’t fuck any person who bats their eyes at me--”

“Y’know what? Fuck you and your sanctimonious judgment, John Laurens. You can have Lafayette if you want him. I only got his number because you were too _pathetic_ to get it yourself!”

John stared after him in silence as he turned and stalked out of the apartment. The door slammed behind him. He flinched at the sound and sat perfectly still in the eerie silence that followed. A few minutes later he picked up the remaining taco on his plate and took a large bite, resolutely ignoring the tears brimming in his eyes.

 

***

 

After John had cried his eyes out and cleaned up the kitchen he had finally responded to Lafayette’s message. A few days later he sat fidgeting in some hipster coffee shop with his sketchbook in front of him. He hadn’t been sure how sincere Lafayette had been about his art so he had shown up early simply for the excuse to use it to doodle in while he was waiting.

Lafayette arrived on time, the bell above the door jingling pleasantly to announce his entrance. John looked up from the page and waved at him. He was wearing much more conservative clothing, fitted jeans and a short sleeved plaid button-down, but he still took John’s breath away as he strolled across the room with his long stride.

“John! You look wonderful!” he exclaimed and embraced him, kissing him on each cheek in greeting. When John’s heart only fluttered a little he considered it a victory.

“Um. You too,” John replied with a bashful smile.

Lafayette motioned to the bar. “Would you like something?”

John felt silly, suddenly, having sat at the table for so long without ordering anything. “Sure. Just some green tea? No sweetener,” he replied. The bemused expression on Lafayette’s face made him chuckle. “Alexander’s the coffee lover, not me.”

“Of course, mon chou, sit! I will return soon.” Lafayette hurried off to collect their order.

While he waited, John began to sketch Lafayette’s profile. The evening light was casting him in an almost halo and John’s fingers itched to capture it. He was so focused on getting it right that he didn’t notice him returning until he was sitting across from him and setting the tea beside his sketchpad.

“Oh!” Lafayette exclaimed softly. “Is that me?”

John blushed but pushed the pad across the table. Lafayette looked down at the unfinished sketch in wonder.

“Hercules was right, you are very talented, John. Surely I do not look like this while waiting for coffee, non?” He looked up at John with a soft smile. John couldn’t bring himself to say that he wasn’t good enough to capture half of the man’s radiance. “May I?”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.” John took a large sip of tea to calm his nerves.

Lafayette flipped to the beginning with all the unabashed excitement of a child on Christmas morning. John watched as he took his time looking at each page. It was a strange collection of figure drawing gestures and longer poses, random landscapes and animal studies, portraits of strangers, and drawings of his friends.

“Are you an artist?” John found himself asking.

Lafayette shook his head, soft curls swaying with the movement. “Alas, non. My hands are useless, I’m afraid.” He wriggled his long fingers to demonstrate and John swallowed. “I love looking at art, though. It is the purest expression of the human soul.”

Coming from anyone else it may have sounded pretentious but Lafayette was so sincere that all John could do was smile. “Maybe we could go to a museum some time?”

“I would like that,” he replied, glancing up to smile at John. Then he returned his attention to the page in front of him. “You love your friends very much; you draw them with such care. Especially Alexander.”

“We’ve been best friends for a long time,” John hurried to explain and then took a large sip of his tea.

"But of course,” Lafayette replied. His beautiful eyes were too knowing for John’s comfort as he held his gaze. The last thing he wanted was his stupid crush on Alexander ruining things for him and Lafayette.

“What did you order?” he asked, desperate to change the subject. He motioned to Lafayette’s cup with his own.

“Ah. Hot chocolate,” Lafayette replied with an embarrassed flutter of his long lashes. “I, too, am not a fan of coffee. But I have a weakness for sugar, I’m afraid.”

John smiled, his gaze drawn to Lafayette’s mouth as he took a sip. “We all have a weakness for something, I suppose,” he said softly. His heart stuttered when Lafayette’s smile widened.

“I sincerely hope so, John.”

 

***

 

After his date with Lafayette, John’s week seemed to dramatically improve. He managed to ignore the sulking form of Alexander in the corner of the office, he was filled with brand new energy for his figuring drawing class with Hercules, and spent a fantastic evening with Eliza, Angelica, and too much wine. When Friday rolled around he was in significantly better spirits than he had been on Monday.

Peggy was out with their sisters that evening and Hercules had some sort of meditation retreat that John had enthusiastically refused. That left him flopped on the couch gathering the courage to call Lafayette to see if he wanted to go out when he heard a knock at the door.

When he opened it he found a very somber looking Alexander on the other side. There was something desperate in his eyes that kept John from closing the door in his face.

“Alexander.”  
  
“John,” he breathed, extending his hands placatingly. “Can I come in? Please?”

John studied him. He contemplating leaving Alexander there, calling Lafayette, going out somewhere exciting, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Peggy isn’t here,” he told him and stepped aside to let Alexander inside.

“I know,” Alexander replied as they made their way into the living room. His entire body was radiating nervous energy. “I mean-- Herc and them may have… they gave me a talking to. About my behavior.”

John frowned. He wanted to believe that his friends would never betray his confidence by telling the whole story but he was also someone who knew how it felt to be outed against his will by so called friends, so he was aware that anything was possible.

“Alexander, I--”  
  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, John, for taking advantage of you. I know you care about me and we’ve known each other for _so long_ and I guess I just got comfortable with the way things are -- were -- between us. I never thought to check in with you and make sure that you were okay. And I’m sorry because you deserve that,” Alexander said all in one breath. “And I know that you were interested -- _are_ interested -- in Lafayette and I shouldn’t’ve interfered with that. Because, while I was telling myself that I was doing it all to help you, I know I was in it for me too… and you don’t deserve to have me using your love life as some kind of game. I shouldn’t get in the way of you being happy. So, I’m sorry for that too. Can we go back to being friends again? This week has been one of the longest of my life. I’ve missed you.”

John couldn’t remember if he had ever heard Alexander apologize for anything. He stood there in shock while Alexander fidgeted with his hands and shifted from foot to foot.

“I’ve missed you too,” he replied after a long silence.

Alexander looked up at him, his shoulders sagging in relief. “So we’re okay?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re okay,” he said, any remnants of fight leaving him. “Sit down. We can smoke, if you want?”

Alexander flopped onto the couch with such vigor that John couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, yes, yes! Let’s get high and watch dumb tv. And you can tell me all about your date with Lafayette.” He waggled his eyebrows when John looked completely dumbfounded. “Peggy has a big mouth.”

A dozen thoughts about how he was going to get Peggy back flitted through John’s mind. He leaned forward to grab the bud he had stored in the little cubby of their coffee table and proceeded to roll what was probably the largest joint he had ever created. They smoked it while random episodes of a _How I Met Your Mother_ marathon played in the background.

John managed to dodge the Lafayette conversation for two episodes and pretty much the entire joint. He went to grab two beers from the fridge and came back to a giggly Alex sprawled across his couch. For such a short man he was able to take up an impressive amount of room. He nudged him with his knee.

“Yo, budge up or both of these are for me,” John threatened.

Alexander slid over with a pout. “Fine. Punk,” he grumbled and took the beer he was offered, his demeanor turning more serious. “Okay, so, we’ve spent plenty of time talking work, how adorable Neil Patrick Harris is, how terrible this show is overall, and what kind of beer we wanted from the fridge… Lafayette. Spill.”

 John gripped his beer like a lifeline and took a gulp. “We went to get coffee. Even though neither of us drink coffee. It was casual. Yanno.”

Alexander snorted. “You both met up for something you don’t particularly enjoy just to have an excuse to spend time together. That doesn’t sound casual to me,” he stated and slouched back against the couch cushions.

“Well he showed up _dressed_ more casual, at least,” John replied with a shrug.

“Oh thank _god_ !” Alexander exclaimed, dissolving into giggles. “That was… that was a _lot_.”

John tried to hold back giggles of his own but a happy, giggling Alexander was too strong to resist. “ _You_ played it cool enough! I thought-- I thought I might-- pass out--”

The giggle fit continued until they were both too exhausted to continue. Alexander was leaning entirely against John, his cheek smushed into John’s shoulder. His fingers were lightly brushing against John’s thigh.

“You really like this guy, huh?” he asked, his voice softer than it was before.

John sighed. “I think so. I mean, he’s _gorgeous_ . But he’s also so genuine? Alex, he looked through my sketchbook like he actually cared about all the shit I’ve drawn. Said some probably pretentious crap about art and the soul that I’d usually hate but it just made me feel… happy. I mean, it’s only been two weeks and we’ve only really hung out twice, so I don’t want to rush all of this but, yeah, I like him. He makes me feel _good_.”

Alexander was oddly quiet and still beside him. John began picking at the label on his bottle with his thumbnail.

“Obviously you belong together. He’s gorgeous; _you’re_ gorgeous,” he mumbled into his shoulder just before the silence began to feel too stretched out and awkward. “That’s why I couldn’t help my--”

“I’m sorry?” he asked in a hushed tone. He looked down at him in bewilderment. He could see the shadows of Alexander’s eyelashes like brush strokes over his cheeks.

Alexander looked up at him, his eyes soft and hazy. “Last weekend when we-- when we danced. I realized I couldn’t remember what it was like to kiss you.” John’s stomach fluttered when he realized Alexander’s eyes were focused on his mouth. “All I wanted to do was remember.”

It felt like all the air had left John’s body. “Alexander…”

Alexander’s fingers were pressing into the muscle of John’s thigh. “I know, I know. Bad timing. You’re into Lafayette. Not the best time to--”

John leaned in and pressed his mouth firmly to his. He kept it chaste, just feeling the pressure of Alexander’s dry lips against his own. Then he pulled back, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn’t have to look at him.

All he could hear was Alexander’s breathing.

“Oh god. I shouldn’t have--” John took a shaky breath. “I shouldn’t’ve done that. I promised myself I wouldn’t ever--”

“Promised yourself? What? John?” Alexander’s eyes were wide and fixed on him when John finally managed to open his own. “What do you mean?”

John licked his lips, wanting to remember the taste of Alexander that was left there. Then he turned away. “Nothing.”

“No. Bullshit. John, what did you mean?” Alexander asked, desperation evident as he gripped John’s shoulders firmly. “Please tell me.”

John tensed and set his beer down on the table with a definitive click. “What do you want to hear, Alex? Huh?” he asked, turning to face him. “That I’ve probably been in love with you since Freshman year? That I figured it out at the end of Sophomore year and have been living with this ever since? That I was in love with you during the shit show with Francis? That my being in love with you was one of the reasons we didn’t work? That my being in love with you is why I never ‘get my dick wet’?” Alexander winced. “That I’m _stupid_ and have been in love with you for _years_?”

“But you never said anything,” Alex replied, breathless.

“Of course not! The only time we came close to hooking up in college, you had to be so drunk that you puked on my shoes before we even got our pants off! And you said _nothing_ about it after so it must’ve been a mistake. We never tried again!” John exclaimed, hating that he sounded slightly hysterical. “I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship with my feelings because you’re _everything_ to me and I didn’t want to risk losing you.”  
  
“I never said anything because I was embarrassed, John. I never had any game around you,” Alexander replied, sounding more soft and vulnerable than John had ever seen him. “I thought there was no way you wanted me. Not really.”

John leaned into his space, helpless against the pull of him. “Why would you ever think that?”

“Because I was never _good_ enough for you.”

John pressed his palm to the soft curve of Alexander’s cheek. He shook his head in wonder and then leaned in to kiss him properly. Alexander opened his mouth to him easily.They exchanged kisses lazily until he had climbed into John’s lap, one soft thigh on either side of his waist.

He pulled back then, keeping a hand curled around the back of John’s neck. “John… what about Lafayette?” he breathed, pressing their foreheads together.

John cupped his face in his hands and gave him a small smile. “Alexander, you are _everything_ ,” he replied before pulling him in for another kiss.

 

***

 

John and Alexander spent most of that weekend wrapped up in each other. Peggy wisely made themselves scarce around the apartment. He was fairly certain he would never get over waking up with Alexander in his arms, tucked perfectly into his body like he was made to fit there. Sunday he had spent the afternoon riding the Metro out to the burbs where Alex lived so that he could grab what he needed on Monday just so they could have one more night together before the real world set in.

John had a bounce in his step all morning despite it being early and _Monday_ because he and Alexander had woken up early enough to spoon until their alarms finally went off. They had climbed into the shower together to save time and, instead, gave themselves over to lazy early morning handjobs. They’d had to rush to get dressed and make the train on time but it only made the morning more perfect.

The rest of it passed in a haze of dopey looks exchanged between the two of them and John trying to concentrate on the work in front of him instead of the fact that Alexander smelled like his shampoo. Their fingers kept finding ways to tangle between their desks. John had to bite his lip to keep himself from unleashing yet another stupid smile on the office. He was so full of happiness he felt as if he could boil over with it.

His stomach began to grumble around noon. His mind skid to a screeching halt when he remembered that he had promised to meet Lafayette that afternoon on his lunch break. John’s stomach lurched with sudden guilt and he gently pulled his fingers away from Alexander’s grasp.

“I need to go see Lafayette,” John told him in a hushed tone. “Do you, um, want anything from the truck while I’m down there?”

Alexander looked over at him. “No. Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

John shook his head. “No, I-- I should talk to him on my own. It’s the right thing to do,” he replied with a sigh and stood. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Alexander smiled and leaned into the kiss John pressed to his cheek. “Good luck.”

John spent the entire walk down the stairs and out onto the street filled with dread. The last thing he wanted was to hurt such a kind, beautiful man. He couldn’t even stand to think about the possibility that Lafayette wouldn’t want to see him at all anymore.

He was jarred from his progressively darker thoughts by a new food truck parked next to Lafayette’s. It was hard to miss with its bright purple paint and the word MACAROLLIN’ scrawled across it in large, fancy golden script. John’s lip curled up at the sight of it.

Lafayette’s quaint truck looked comforting beside the new monstrosity. John warily walked by it and spotted a head of very curly, poofed out black hair, before stopping in front of Lafayette’s.

Lafayette was turned away from him and talking to his cook about something. John allowed himself a moment to memorize the way the blazing afternoon sun shone on Lafayette’s hair and skin; the broad curve of his back and the way his strong forearm rested against the ordering counter.

John felt a sense of dread wash over him; like something was ending. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. The memory of Alexander soft and pliant in his arms that morning gave him focus.

Lafayette chose that moment to turn around and see him. The smile that lit up his features made John’s heart ache in his chest. “Bonjour John!”

John somehow managed to smile around the weight suddenly sitting on his chest and wave at him. “What in the hell is that?” he asked, gesturing to the MACAROLLIN’ truck as he made his way up to the ordering window.

Lafayette shrugged. “According to the man who owns it, he is my big competition. Mon dieu,” he replied, his hands making a shooing gesture in the general direction of the offensive object. “How are you today, mon chou?”

“I’m good,” John said, unable to stop the dopey grin that had crossed his features every time one of his poor coworkers had asked him that same question.

Lafayette studied him, one hand propped on his hip. “You seem… how do you say? More at ease than the last time we saw each other. Did something happen over the weekend?” he asked. There was so much sincerity in those beautiful eyes that for a brief moment John wanted nothing more than to lie, to mention nothing at all about Alexander or the weekend they’d had.

“Yeah… yeah. Alexander and I, well, we had a talk,” John said and focused on maintaining eye contact. He was hoping Lafayette would say something, finish this for him, but he continued to stand there patiently. “Alex finally, um, got his shit together and… we got together. Actually.”

Lafayette’s smile seemed to widen and dim at the same time. “Oh, John! That is wonderful!”

“It is?” he replied dumbly.

“Oui! I have seen the way the two of you look at each other; I am not blind,” Lafayette told him, his voice as light as a bell. “I am very happy for you, John. You deserve every happiness.”

John’s heart didn’t feel quite right in his chest. His stomach was doing something he didn’t have the words to describe. Something in Lafayette’s cadence seemed off and it made him feel anxious.

“You are?”

A part of John started to hope that maybe they could continue on being friends. Lafayette was beaming at him as if he hadn’t walked hand-in-hand with John to his Metro stop just a few days ago. It was possible he had been misreading Lafayette’s intentions all along. Yet the larger part of him still felt like the ground was unsteady under his feet.

“Oui! In fact, lunch is on the house in celebration! What would you and your Alexander like?”

John blinked. “The usual, I guess?”

“C’est bon!” Lafayette turned to speak to his cook.

John felt something well up and lodge in his throat while he watched him. The sun didn’t seem to shine as brightly on him as it had before. John blinked and made himself look away.

The owner of MACAROLLIN’ exited his food truck and made his way towards them. He was tall, dark, and fit with a cloud of dark curly hair on his head. His apron was the same shade of obnoxious purple as his truck.

“You’ll never make a real business givin’ away food like that,” the man grumbled as he stalked by them, ridiculously muscled shoulders hunched and hands shoved in his pockets.

“At least people like to buy my food, Monsieur Jefferson!” Lafayette replied in a sing-song voice. The man’s face darkened. “The only customer I have seen at your truck today is that little friend of yours.”

The man continued to stalk by them without further comment, presumably in search of a public restroom. Lafayette turned around with two containers in his hands, which he presented with a flourish.

“Voila! For the love birds!”

John took them awkwardly and gave Lafayette a small smile. “Thank you, Lafayette, really.”  
  
“De rien, mon ami. I will see you later.”  
  
John smiled, buoyed by the thought, and carefully carried the containers back up to the office. Alexander turned to smile at him when he reached his desk and all thoughts of the awkward exchange faded. He didn’t even realize they hadn’t made any concrete plans.

 

***

 

John should have been floating on a cloud of orgasms and bliss, and in some ways he was, but in the days after their awkward conversation Lafayette had been aloof in his responses to John’s messages and very recently seemed to be ignoring them all together. That afternoon he had left the office to try and talk to Lafayette at his truck but it was missing. There was nothing but a smirking Thomas Jefferson in its place.

Now he was sprawled on the couch with Eliza and Angelica on either side of him. “Why is he ignoring me?” he mumbled, staring despondently into his empty wine glass.

Eliza, angel that she was, refilled it for him. “I mean he was rather obviously interested in you, John--”  
  
“And Alexander,” Angelica interjected and took a prim sip of her wine.

“Right, and Alexander. It’s not like you’ve been friends for a long time. Perhaps he’s taking you and Alex getting together as a sign to bow out,” Eliza continued without missing a beat. She ate a cube of cheese.

Angelica crossed her legs and took another sip from her glass. “Which is downright classy of him. I don’t know if I would’ve been smiling after finding out the guy I’d been on a date with less than a week ago had finally gotten together with the love of his life,” she said, her perfect eyebrow arched.

Eliza nodded. “Right.”

John huffed and took a gulp of his wine, ignoring Angelica’s judgmental expression at his lack of proper wine etiquette. “Maybe it was naive of me to think we could carry on as friends. I just… miss him.”

“Honestly, John, you and Alexander should be so in the thralls of your annoying honeymoon phase that you don’t even notice he’s gone,” Angelica stated. She set her glass down on the table and turned to face him straight on. “Maybe you should think about _why_ you miss him so much.”

Eliza nodded again and sipped from her glass. The wine had stained her lips a very pretty shade of red. “Yes. Honestly, it’s probably best if you don’t see him again. You and Alexander are _finally_ together; the moment all of us have been waiting for. You are happy, aren’t you?”

“Yes! Of course I am,” he replied earnestly, thinking fondly of his Alexander who would be returning any moment with Peggy and the Ethiopian they had left to retrieve. “It’s just… sometimes I want to talk to Lafayette about how happy I am and he’s not there. I know I only knew him for a little while, and not very well, so it doesn’t make any sense but-- but he always made me feel good.”

"Doesn’t Alexander make you feel good?” Eliza asked softly, eyebrows pulling together in concern.

John nodded without hesitation. “Yes. But it’s… different somehow. A different kind of good? I don’t know how to explain it but… I wish I could have both.” He downed the rest of his glass and set it down next to Angelica’s.

“That’s a dangerous way of thinking, John,” Angelica told him firmly, her lips set in a thin line.

“I know,” he groaned and flopped back against the couch. “I have no intentions of cheating on Alex, I just… everything feels a little jumbled right now.”  
  
Eliza squeezed his shoulder. “It’ll sort itself out.”

Angelica nodded, her mouth still set in a line. The door opened and the noise that was Alexander and Peggy tumbled through it, effectively shutting off the conversation.

“Finally!” Angelica exclaimed as the smell of delicious food permeated the apartment. “I thought we were going to waste away in here!”

She gave John one final, pointed look before going to help them bring the food in. Her expression made John’s stomach twist unpleasantly. He checked his phone for the hundredth time that day and still there was no response from Lafayette.

His phone was pulled away and suddenly he had a lapful of Alexander, who was chattering away about something Peggy had said about his taste in music and preparing a plate for them. John wrapped an arm around his waist easily, focusing on the warm, solidness of him. 

Alex kissed him hello and pulled back with a scrunched nose. “You taste like wine.” John smiled and kissed him back enthusiastically, all thoughts of Lafayette temporarily forgotten.

 

***

 

It was Saturday and the sun was slowly dipping below the horizon. John had his head pillowed against Alexander’s hip. “I kinda wanna go out,” John mused, staring up at the ceiling.

The lulling sounds of Alex typing paused. John twisted to look up at him. He was peering at him over his reading glasses. “Out?”

John shrugged and nestled further into the softness of his hip. “Yeah. Like, go dancin’, y’know?”

Alexander’s hand curved around his shoulder. “John Laurens wants to go dancing,” he said in wonder, his fingers tracing patterns into the freckles on John’s skin.

John sniffed. “I like dancin’.”  
  
“I recall,” he replied, running his fingers up along John’s neck, over the shell of his ear, before tangling them in his curls. John shivered. “You look so good when you dance, did you know that? Can’t take my eyes off you.”

John preened at the praise and curled in closer until his knee bumped against Alexander’s. He ran a fingertip along Alex’s tan skin just above where his underwear pressed in. He wondered at the goosebumps on his skin. “That so?”

Alexander’s grip tightened. “Yeah… couldn’t keep my hands off you when you were dancing with Lafayette. I had to feel your hips moving under my hands, had to smell the sweat on your neck,” he replied, voice suddenly rough.

John pressed a kiss to his hip and looked up at him through his lashes. “You liked watchin’ me with Lafayette?” he asked, hearing his breath catch. He nipped at the soft skin over Alex’s ribs and felt him shiver. “We were so beautiful movin’ together, weren’t we, baby girl; you had to help yourself.”

John watched his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed; licked his lips in response. Alex shut the laptop with his eyes fixated on John. He set the laptop aside for him and snaked his way up Alex’s body, mouth twisting into a smirk.

“What did you want to do?” he asked, his body hovering just above Alex’s.

Alex’s lips trembled and he slid his hands over John’s hips. “Your hips, John, I don’t have the words to describe what they do to me,” he replied, leaning up to try and capture his mouth in a kiss. He whined when he found John just out of reach. “The way you held onto Lafayette’s waist, held him close, god I wanted to feel where the two of you connected.”

John’s hips twitched at the memory of Lafayette’s firm body pressed up against his own. He took pity on Alex, leaning forward the few centimeters necessary to press an open mouthed kiss to his lips.

“So you helped yourself, didn’t you?” he breathed into his mouth, wrapped an arm around his waist. He lifted him so that their hips pressed together.

“Yes,” Alex whimpered.

“Such a dirty, selfish thing, you are,” John scolded, nipping at his bottom lip. “Watching us and then just helping yourself.”

John ran his free hand down Alex’s throat, felt his flickering pulse. Alex keened when he pressed down gently.

“Yes… wanted you, wanted both of you, all to myself…” he confessed in a wanton whisper, exposing his throat to John.

John slipped his hand beneath his underwear; cupped Alexander’s ass. “Yeah, baby girl?” He slipped a finger between his cheeks and felt his legs open easily for him. “Show me how much you wanted Lafayette’s long legs, big hands…” Alexander groaned as he moved his hand lower, pressed his fingertips to his perineum. “Wanted my hips, my mouth… show me…”

Alexander cried out, his hips jolting up against him. John smirked, cupped Alexander’s erection over his underwear with his free hand. He ground his palm against his dick, felt it throb beneath his touch. Alexander gasped, his entire body curving deliciously against him.

His hands scrambled desperately down John’s back until he was grabbing his ass and pulling him in so that their dicks brushed together. John gasped at the sensation and Alexander licked into his mouth, eyelashes fluttering over his cheekbones.

“John…” he whimpered. “John, please touch me.”

John pushed their underwear down to their knees and took both of them in his hand. His fingers barely accomodated the girth of them. He imagined Lafayette’s large hand wrapping around them perfectly and moaned into Alex’s mouth.

“God yes,” Alexander breathed, wrapping one hand around the back of John’s neck to keep him close enough that their noses were brushing. “Your hand feels incredible-- fuck--”

“Talk to me, baby, tell me all about it,” John groaned into his ear.

“Love your long fingers around me,” Alexander gasped, the rhythm of his hips stuttering. “Love the feel of our cocks against each other, the weight -- _fuck_ , like that -- the weight of you over me -- _fuck_ , John, never stop touching me--”

John twisted his wrist and they groaned together. Alexander’s nails bit into the back of his neck, the small of his back, from where he was holding onto him.

“I’ve got you-- I’ve got you,” he breathed heavily into Alexander’s neck, nipped at the soft skin just behind his ear.

“John--” Alexander gasped, his hips moving just off beat to John’s. “Gonna come-- gonna-- _fuck_ \--”

He ran a hand soothingly down Alexander’s side. “I’ve got you--” he gasped, his stomach tightening with his own release. “Come for me, baby girl, come on--”

Alexander came between both of them with a strangled cry. John’s pace sped up into a desperate rhythm. Alexander massaged his fingers into his scalp in encouragement as he laid otherwise boneless beneath him. One stroke, two strokes later he came between them with a stuttered gasp.

John rolled over to the side of Alexander before collapsing onto the mattress. He wiped his hand on the sheets and curled into him. They stayed like that for a moment, just concentrating on catching their breath.

Once recovered, Alexander glanced over at him. “So much for dancing,” he snickered and sat up to grab a towel to clean them off with. John smiled blissfully up at him while Alex wiped away the sticky mess on his stomach and pulled him in for a kiss.

“No complaints.”

Alex tossed the towel onto the floor and curled up into John. John ran his fingers through his sweaty hair and closed his eyes. He focused on the clean sweat smell of him to banish any memories of the way Lafayette had smelled as he moved against him.

 

***

 

It had been over a week since John had last seen Lafayette and it had been so long since he had returned any of John’s messages that he had finally stopped sending them. The absence of him from his life, especially after how present he had been in his and Alexander’s bed only two nights prior, left an itch under John’s skin. Nothing seemed to scratch it. No matter how many times he guiltily got himself off in the shower to memories of Lafayette’s touch; no matter how intently he buried himself in the sweet scent of Alexander’s neck while he fucked him into the mattress. It was slowly burning him up inside.

Lafayette was so present on his mind that John found himself leaving the office in search of his food truck. He only remembered he wouldn’t be there when he was already outside staring at the haughty figure of Thomas Jefferson in his ridiculous truck.

“Your ‘friend’ still isn’t here, y’know,” Jefferson drawled, a smug sort of boredom writ over his sharp features.

Something finally snapped inside John. “I know! But he _should_ be. Apparently I screwed everything up and now he’s gone. But I’m _selfish_ enough to want him in my life anyway.” John’s hands flailed dramatically at his sides. “Because he makes everyone around him feel good and he’s so earnestly _kind_ while the rest of us go on being assholes.

“And I miss him. I want to _tell_ him that so that he knows he wasn’t nothing. That I care about him. But I can’t-- I can’t because he’s just _gone_ and he’s not answerin’ my texts or my phone calls! Not that I don’t deserve that because I’m an _asshole_ who wants his company even though I shouldn’t.”

Jefferson raised his brows from where he had slumped over his order counter. “Why are you tellin’ me this?”

John’s sigh was a broken thing. “Because I can’t find him to tell _him_.”

Jefferson huffed. “Twitter,” he said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, the bedazzled case matching the purple of his truck and apron.

John blinked. “What?”

Jefferson rolled his eyes and swiped at the screen with his thumb. “Your boy has to use it to advertise where his food is,” he explained in the most condescending way and held his phone back out with the profile pulled up. “Looks like he’s serving dinner by the Capitol tonight.”

John stared at his phone and then looked up at Jefferson. “Thank you,” he breathed, feeling his stomach fully unclench for the first time in days.

Jefferson shrugged and slowly untucked all of his long limbs to stand and shove his phone into his back pocket. “Whatever. You’re buying my mac n cheese.”

John couldn’t help the way his face scrunched up at the thought. All of the menu items looked vulgar -- who even put balsamic vinegar on mac n cheese? -- but he supposed he owed this man _something_. 

“Fine. But no toppings.”

 

***

 

John was restless throughout the rest of the workday. He wanted to wait until Lafayette was near the end of his shift before he arrived so he made himself ride the Metro home in order to get changed out of his suit. Then he rode back down and got off at Archives to start his walk to 3rd street where Lafayette’s truck would be parked. The sky began to change into various shades of pinks and purples.

By the time he reached the truck Lafayette was cleaning in earnest and the cook was nowhere to be found. The sunset cast a kaleidoscope of colors that bounced off of Lafayette’s warm brown skin like a moving painting. John took a breath and made himself take a step forward.

“I am sorry, monsieur, but we are closed. I just let my cook go home for the evening,” Lafayette said, his focus still on the things he was putting away from the ordering counter.

John cleared his throat. “Lafayette, it’s me,” he said softly.

Lafayette stopped mid-motion and looked up at him with wide eyes. “John?” he asked, his voice small and vulnerable. “Where is Alexander?”

John shrugged. “He had a thing with Hercules tonight,” he replied and took a few steps closer to the truck. Lafayette was still looking at him like he couldn’t believe he was real.

“Does he know you are here?”

John shook his head. “No. It was kind of… impromptu.”

Lafayette frowned and dropped the rag he was cleaning with. “John, why are you here?”

“You post the location of your truck on Twitter and I wanted -- _needed_ \-- to see you so I could tell you…” John’s voice faded away, suddenly unsure of showing up unannounced. Unsure if Lafayette wanted him here at all.

Lafayette’s frown deepened. “You should not be here, mon ami.”

“But--”

“Non. You and Alexander are together. John, you came here without telling him. It is… inappropriate.” He sighed. “What is more -- I do not want you here. If I wanted to see you I would respond to your messages. You need to go.”

“Please, Lafayette, I missed you. I know we’ve only known each other for a short while but every day I find myself wanting to tell you a story or hear your thoughts on something I sketched in class. I just, I wanted to tell you that… That I wanted us to be friends.”

Lafayette shook his head. “John, I cannot be friends with you.”

John’s heart plummeted into his feet. “But, Laf--”

Lafayette raised a hand. “I had feelings for you, John. And for Alexander, if I am being honest, but they were very intense for you. And I think you felt in a similar way for me. I cannot be the reason you both destroy your happiness with each other. I will not be. This is why I have… drifted away.”

John blinked away the sudden sting of tears. “Lafayette--”

“I need you to respect my decision, John. Know that what we felt was real, if only for a little while, and let me move past you. Because I must.”

John swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Lafayette. _Please_.”

The tears began to fall down his cheeks before he could stop them. He turned away to wipe at them with the sleeve of his hoodie. “I’m sorry. I’m not tryin’ to--”

And then suddenly Lafayette’s long, strong arms were wrapping around him and pulling him in close. John breathed in his scent and sagged against him in relief, the tears falling in earnest. Lafayette let him cry, running his broad palm up and down John’s back. When his tears finally dried up John sniffed and looked up at him.

“Alexander is everything to me. But you--” John watched the way the shadows played over Lafayette’s face, his heart growing heavy. “You’re right… “

Lafayette cupped John’s cheek in his hand and smiled softly. “I generally am, you know,” he told him, his voice hushed. “You should go be with your Alexander. Soon I will fade to a memory and you will be happy.”  
  
“I don’t want that,” John replied stubbornly.

“I know. Not yet. But know that the only thing I will regret was never getting to kiss you.”

John lifted up on his toes and pressed their mouths together. The contact was quick, chaste, but John felt his heart tremble in his chest at the little gasp of surprise Lafayette gave in response. Then he pulled away, stepping out of the comforting warmth of his arms.

“Goodbye, Lafayette,” he said softly.

Lafayette took a step back from him. “Goodbye, John.”

John turned and hurried away from him before he could be tempted to stay. He cried softly into his hoodie the entire ride home.

 

***

 

Peggy loomed over the couch and stared down at him. “So let me get this right, Laurens,” they said, their voice carefully metered, “you found out where Lafayette’s truck was parked and went in search of it _without telling Alexander_ , christ, and then after he confessed his feelings for _both_ of you he let you cry into _his_ arms.”

John nodded and hid his face behind one of their throw pillows. “And then I kissed him goodbye.”

“You what?!”

John flailed his hand that was not currently gripping the pillow. “It was chaste, more of a peck really, but god, Peggy, I almost forgot how to _breathe_. It was just like kissing Alex, that same rush…” he trailed off with a groan.

“Doesn’t sound that chaste then.” Peggy yanked the pillow out of his hand. “You _have_ to tell Alex. No, no excuses, John, you have to tell him. He deserves that.”

John sat up with a sigh. “I know. I do. I just-- I don’t want him to leave me. I love him so much. God, what am I _doing_?”

Peggy sat down across from him on the couch, tucking their legs under. “Well first, you need to figure out what exactly it is that you want. What do you want, John? Throw out all of your rules and tell me what you would want. Just, for a start.”

John was silent for a minute, twirling his hair around his finger. “I… want both of them,” he replied honestly before looking up at Peggy with wide eyes. “Not like that! Not as an affair or a secret. I want them on equal terms.”

Peggy shrugged a shoulder. “Okay. People do that, you know, have relationships with multiple people. As long as everyone is okay with it, that’s not a bad thing.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. But first,” they leaned forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “First, you need to _ask them_.”

John bit his lip. “What if they say no? What if Alexander tells me to fuck off and never wants to see me again?”

Peggy shrugged again. “You won’t know unless you ask. Either way, Alex _needs_ to know about your feelings for Lafayette. He gets to decide what he is and isn’t comfortable with. If he doesn’t throw you out on principle, _ask him_. You gotta go after what you want, Laurens, because if you don’t do it, no one else is gonna do it for you. Dig?”

John slumped forward and pressed his forehead to Peggy’s shoulder. They smelled strongly of their cucumber citrus bodywash.

“Dig,” he replied.

“Good. Now, either watch the game with me or get out. I am tired of my baseball being interrupted by your gay melodrama,” they said and pushed him back against the couch.

John laughed and settled in. “Pass the popcorn and be prepared for a lot of commentary on Bryce Harper’s hair.”

 

***

 

John desperately wanted a drink to calm his nerves but knew he needed to be sober for this conversation. He sat down next to Alexander on the couch and smiled into the kiss Alex leaned forward to give him in greeting. He reached out and tangled their fingers together, desperate for the comforting touch.

“Alex, I wanted-- needed to talk to you about something,” he said seriously enough that Alexander stopped his slow invading of John’s space to stare at him.

He looked down at their clasped hands and then back up at him. “Are you breaking up with me?” he asked, his voice smaller than John had ever heard it.

“God no. No, Alex,” John replied, stroking his thumb over the back of his hand.

Alex shifted and looked at him with a bemused expression. “... Okay.”

John took a deep breath. “I wanted to be honest with you about something I did yesterday.” He licked his lips. “I may have… tracked down Lafayette’s food truck. And gone to see him.”  
  
“You did? How is he?” Alex asked, his face lighting up.

“Wait. You’re not mad that I didn’t tell you?”

Alex shrugged. “No? Why would I be? I mean, I’m a little sad I wasn’t invited but you knew I had that thing with Herc so…”

John swallowed before taking the plunge. “Even though we had feelings for each other?” Alex shrugged again and John had to close his eyes to gather the courage to continue. “Even though we _have_ feelings for each other?”

When John opened his eyes he was met with Alexander’s carefully blank expression. He pulled his hand away, leaving John’s feeling cold and empty. “Are you cheating on me?”

“ _No_. No, I just… I wanted you to know that I went to see him because I missed him. Because I do have feelings for him and he admitted his feelings to me, too and it wouldn’t feel right to keep that from you.” He took a breath. “Alex, I meant it when I said how much you mean to me. If you want me to never see him again, I’m done.”

Alex deflated and reached out for his hand again. “Oh, thank god. So that’s why he hasn’t been very responsive?”

John bit his lip and nodded. “He told me his feelings for both of us and how he didn’t want to be the reason we didn’t work.”

“Wait-- both of us?”

“Yes. Which brings me to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You are allowed to say no and everything I said before stands… okay?”

Alex groaned. “Are you trying to get me a heart attack, John?”

John winced, stroked his thumb along the top of his hand again. “I’m not quite sure how to ask this so I’m just going to say it. Lafayette and I have feelings for each other. He says he has some for you as well and I’m going to assume you like him somewhat. And,” John paused, stroked his hand again. “And you are my world so, if and only if you are okay with this…”  
  
“We can totally have a threesome with Lafayette. It’s cool,” Alex said with enthusiasm.

“What? No. I mean, that can happen but…” John huffed, trying to find his words. “I was thinkin’ we could all be together?”

Alexander stared at him. John could practically see his brain working. “So… like, you and I are boyfriends _and_ you and Lafayette are boyfriends?”

“Well, and you and Lafayette too… if you both wanted.”

Alexander’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “Is this what you and him discussed at the food truck last night?”

John shook his head. “No, Lafayette told me to leave. He doesn’t know any of this at all. I wanted to talk to you first. I mean, you’re my boyfriend, you come first.”

“And what if Lafayette is your boyfriend too?”

“Then you’ll both come first,” he replied. “I mean, we can work out boundaries together. If you say yes, of course. If you say no then I will never see Lafayette again.”

Alex tilted his head, studying him. “And will you be happy? Never seeing him again.”

“Not right away,” John replied honestly. “But I would be, eventually. I have you, Alex.”

Alex shook his head slowly. “Not as happy, though. I’m not saying yes, yet, but I think we should hear what Lafayette thinks. I’m open to talking to him about this.”  
  
John stared at him, not quite believing what he was hearing. “Are you sure?”

Alex nodded and leaned in to kiss him, just a soft brush of lips against his. “Yes, let’s talk to him.”

“Thank you,” John sighed and pulled Alexander back in for a deeper kiss. “I love you, you know.”

Alex smiled at him, soft. “I love you too.”

 

***

 

It had taken multiple attempts from both John and Alexander to convince Lafayette to respond to their messages and finally agree to meet with them. A few days later he was sitting on John’s couch with his ridiculously long legs delicately crossed at the ankles, looking both out of place and completely at home. Alexander was practically in John’s lap on the other side of the couch. He was running a hand soothingly over John’s lower back in an attempt to calm his nerves. John had to keep remembering to breathe normally.

“The two of you said you had something to tell me?” Lafayette asked, his shoulders uncharacteristically tense. John realized with a jolt that he had to be feeling nervous.

“Something to talk to you about, really,” John replied, thankful that his voice remained steady.

Lafayette turned his full attention on him, gaze soft. “Go on then, John.”

“Right. About our conversation early this week…” Lafayette visibly tensed, his eyes flying to Alexander. All John wanted to do was reach out and soothe him. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you. I don’t want to say goodbye to Alex either. You both mean so much to me--”

Lafayette shook his head. “I have already told you that I cannot be your friend, John, I am sorry. I do not trust myself, my heart, around you… or Alexander.”

“I know, and I respect that. I’m not asking you to be my friend, Lafayette,” he told him gently. “Alex and I, we talked--”

“I also cannot be a bedroom accessory. My feelings are for more than the physical--”

“No, no, not that,” John corrected, keeping his voice steady and gentle. If the conversation had not been so vitally important he would have allowed himself a chuckle at both of these men assuming he was looking for a threesome. “Lafayette, I’m asking you to be my boyfriend.”

Lafayette looked between them. “But you have a boyfriend.”

“Yes, and I love Alexander very much,” he replied, taking Alexander’s hand in his own, “but apparently there is still room in my heart for you. If you’re both willin’, I would like to be with… both of you. Equally.”

Lafayette turned his focus to Alexander. “And what do you think of this idea?”

Alexander shifted in place, bumping into John’s thigh and hip with his own. “I wanted to talk to you first. I want John to be as happy as possible, and if that means including you then I am… open to the idea.”

Lafayette studied Alex for a few seconds longer before looking back at John. “So, you and Alexander are to be boyfriends and you and I are to be boyfriends… what about Alexander and myself?”

John glanced over at Alex, whose hand had finally stilled against his back. “That’s up to the two of you, of course.”

Lafayette nodded. “And are these to be… physical as well as emotional relationships?”

John bit his lip as he took in the sight of Lafayette’s long body lounging on his couch. The thought of being intimate with him and not touching him was near physically painful. “That’s up to all of us, but I would want them to be both.”

Alexander wrapped his arm around John’s waist and continued his soothing strokes along his stomach. “I don’t think it’d be smart to try and separate them.”

Lafayette nodded again. A small smile crossed his lips. “I would be honored for this opportunity,” he said. “Though I think it best that we take it slow, oui? And if at any moment any of us realize that this will not work, or something needs to change, we will communicate that to the others. If we cannot do this someone may end up hurt.”

“I agree,” John replied with a nod. “Alex?”

Alexander nodded and pressed a kiss to John’s temple. “Now that we’ve got that over with… would you like to stay and watch a movie with us?”

Lafayette’s beaming smile broke across his features for the first time since John had told him about himself and Alexander. John’s heart sang at the sight. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to be as close to him as possible.

“Oui. As long as you do not mind captions, they help me to understand the English better,” he replied and settled more into the back of the couch.

Unable to control himself any longer, John flopped forward until his head was nestled into Lafayette’s shoulder. He curled his body close to his and tugged Alexander along with him. Lafayette ran his fingers casually through John’s curls as if this was something they had always done and John sighed in contentment.

Alex stretched out for the remote and pulled up Netflix. Then he settled back against John’s side. John slid his free arm around his waist so that he could stroke his hip. Alexander keened softly and rested his head on his chest.

In that moment, John felt warmer and more content than he had ever felt in his life. He never wanted it to end.

 

***

 

The next morning John woke up on top of Alexander on the couch, drooling into his collarbone. He shifted into the softness of him in an attempt to go back to sleep but noise coming from the kitchen drew his attention. Peggy had promised to be gone all weekend so that could only mean one thing -- Lafayette was still there.

John’s heart skipped a beat at the thought. He attempted to remove himself from Alexander without waking him up and managed the feat with only one sleepy groan. He watched him roll over and curl up into himself, still asleep, before he made his way into the kitchen.

Lafayette was doing something at the stove and humming something bright and beautiful under his breath. His hair was up in a quickly tousled ponytail, curls everywhere, and he had rolled up the sleeves of his slouchy sweater to his elbows. He’d found an apron from somewhere. John rested against the doorway, a dopey smile crossing his face.

“Mornin’,” he greeted softly after watching him move around the stove for a few seconds.

Lafayette turned to him. His smile was so radiant that John’s breath caught in his throat. “John! Bonjour!” he exclaimed, spatula raised in front of him. “I thought I would make us some crepes.”

John shuffled forward and peered at the small stack of perfect looking crepes he already had on a plate on the stove. “They look delicious,” he replied, suddenly feeling shy and awkward standing next to him. “Did we fall asleep last night?”

“Oui. You make for a surprisingly comfortable pillow,” Lafayette said and artfully flipped the crepe currently in the skillet.

John watched the morning sunlight bounce around his beautiful face while he worked. His fingers were suddenly desperate to touch. He reached out and tentatively pressed his fingertips to Lafayette’s slender wrist. The other man went still before slowly looking over at him.

“John,” he breathed.

It was all the permission John needed to move into his space, press up on his toes, and kiss him firmly on the mouth. Lafayette gasped. His hands settled on John’s waist. With his surprisingly strong grip, Lafayette maneuvered him until his back was pressing into the kitchen counter.

John went lax, sliding his hands up his long torso to grip onto his shoulders. He opened his mouth to him and Lafayette licked into it with a focused and determined hunger. He continued to devour John’s mouth until John was shaking, his knees threatening to buckle under him. Lafayette pulled away to gasp for air and nipped at his bottom lip. John whimpered.

“Is something burning?” Alexander’s gruff voice asked, breaking into their moment.

Lafayette froze and pulled away from John. “Oh là là! My crepes!” he gasped and hurried back to the stove. He quickly flipped the burnt crepe into the trash and began to focus on a fresh one.

Alexander was standing at the doorway, hands shoved into his pockets. For a brief moment John worried that he would be jealous and tell them all that this wasn’t going to work. Instead he waggled his eyebrows at John and went to steal a strawberry from the bowl Lafayette had set on the counter.

“This looks good,” he told Lafayette, who smiled happily at him.

“Merci, Alexander. There is no chocolate sauce but I found some powdered sugar and strawberries so we should be able to -- how you say? -- make it work,” he replied cheerfully.

Alexander nodded and popped another strawberry into his mouth before shuffling over to the coffee machine. John offered to make himself and Lafayette some tea. Soon enough all three of them were gathered at the small kitchen table.

John watched with amusement as Alexander waxed poetic about the crepes he was currently shoveling into his mouth with zero decorum. The sound of Lafayette’s pleased laugh warmed his chest. As he glanced out the window at the sunny summer day he felt, for the first time, that this just might work and that he was finally where he was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> btw, you can find me on tumblr here: @msjosephinemarch :)


End file.
